Oh god. J-Rock. Never one to beat around the bush with casual xenophobia, the Japanese accent doesn’t exactly lean itself towards naturally good singing voices. Nevermind the fact it’s all in Japanese (would’ve thought it), not in my England! Light hearted racism aside, We Will Melt You has a behemoth track listing, so I put my best anti-prejudice pants on and dive right on.

If you didn’t get it from the above paragraph, I don’t like J-Rock.

Which is a bit strange, that I don’t actually find Dual Jewel that bad in places. The frenetic energy of Konsui Peke Doll, laced with electro vocals and some really great riffing. Sepia screams through your speakers as harmonics tear through a fine weave of atmospheric synths. So, why then if they’re alright at writing big rock monsters do they put shit like Shojo on there in all it’s ‘desu desu kawaii’ glory? Brave is similar, caught somwhere between annoying dance-rock and terrible power ballad.

You might think this a tad unfair to throw a band with such a criminally short review into the Bucket. J-Rock fans who have broader tastes than I will probably enjoy it, as there’s a decent amount of Euro-dance that laces the hard rock. But when you add the piss-annoying Japanese voice on top (and I’m sorry, but I have yet to hear one Japanese metal singer who can stand up to anyone the UK or USA puts out) it makes me physically angry.

So yeah, J-Rock fans and Japan-ophiles come and lap it up. Otherwise, make a banana sandwich, it’s more fun.

4/10

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